Do As I Say, Not As I Do.

Something I've always struggled with as a young adult experiencing chronic issues is that I'll always need medication to maintain a quality of life comparable to someone my age without these conditions. This stigma is something that I'm sure plenty of people of all ages with many different conditions struggle with, so I can only speak on how it affects me personally. I know that as someone in my 20s who has been on psychiatric meds since around age 10, I was initially confused as to why I needed to be taking prescription drugs when my peers didn't. I especially had to adjust this stigma in middle school, when I was taking Abilify three times a day and needed to be pulled from class for my midday dose.

This has been one of my greatest struggles throughout my mental health journey. The thought of being deemed "different" never bothered me; however, something about the physicality of having to take prescription drugs felt like visual proof of an otherwise invisible illness. And in all honesty, that's scary to me. I've always been fine knowing that I have a diagnosis, and sharing it with anyone I care to let in on that part of my life, when I choose to. At times, though, having to take meds every morning and night feels like I'm self-disclosing before I'm ready to.

I will admit, because I feel that this is a safe space, on multiple occasions throughout my life, I have been known to self-sabotage by stopping my medication. (I don't recommend this; it is unsafe, unhealthy, and all around not a good idea.) When I look back, I understand that stopping my meds was probably a cry for help more than anything else. I do, however, think there was more to it, so let's dive in.

When I stopped my meds in the past, it was typically for one of two reasons. Either because things were going too well, or things were going really badly. It's a classic example of an extreme fear of failure as well as a fear of success. Let me break that down even further. If things were on an upswing, I would stop the meds to prevent myself from succeeding, in other words, self-sabotaging the progress. Other times, if things were internally bad, but it felt like nobody would listen because life looked "good enough" from the outside looking in, I would, again, self-sabotage by stopping the medication I was taking and eventually crashing and burning.

So, what can we, as a team, learn from all this? Firstly, take your medications as prescribed. You'll feel better if you do, and even if you don't at first, there are ways to fix that. Which leads to the second thing you can learn: advocate for yourself to your psychiatrist/treatment team. It's a superpower that is hard to master, but once you do, it's imperative to cherish that ability. Last but not least, and in all honesty, this might be the most important lesson of this post: listen to your body. Our bodies are really good at telling us what they need, as long as we listen to them. Similarly to learning to advocate for ourselves, learning to listen to our bodies is difficult, but very rewarding once we discover what those signals mean.

As we enter the colder, darker winter months, I think these ideas are doubly important. The weather plays a significant role in our mood, and insufficient sunlight can have a substantial impact in how we feel. As always, be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, and listen to your own needs carefully. Don't forget to have your own back.

Jo <3