Fake it 'Till You Make it.

I'm sure anyone who's struggled with anything ever has heard this very helpful and not at all condescending advice. Sometimes it can be pretty effective advice. For instance, if you don't know how to spell that great, using tools like magic spelling can be a helpful way to sort of fake it until you can figure it out. But sometimes, faking it only makes things worse.

In my personal experience, there is a threshold. And I can fake it until I reach a point where the part of my brain that powers the faking just fizzles out. After that, not only am I unable to continue 'faking it,' but I also struggle to keep myself together at all.

There's an analogy I love involving spoons. Every day, each of us wakes up with an array of spoons, all different shapes, sizes, and colors, none of them the same. And, depending on the day, you could have a completely different variation of spoons than you had the day before. You can have way more big spoons than small spoons, or vice versa. Now, to get through each daily task, you need a spoon. Some tasks require a big spoon equivalent of energy, while others only need a teaspoon, but they all take up at least one spoon; then that spoon is gone for the day. The struggle, and sometimes why it can be so hard to just "fake it," is that there are things that need to be done that you don't always have the right spoon for.

Also, in some instances, spoons will just disappear. If you're in a situation that is different than what you were expecting it to be, you might end up needing more spoons than you thought.

If you think about it, faking it 'till you make it is just a normalized expression for masking. Masking, also known as social camouflaging, is when someone will conceal or mask their natural behaviors in order for how they act to be deemed more socially acceptable or appropriate. I think it's important to note that the neurodivergent are not the only ones socially camouflaging. If you're on a first date, at a job interview, or trying to impress your partner's parents when meeting them for the first time, you might unintentionally mask some things about yourself. These, to me, are positive examples of "fake it 'till you make it."

It becomes tricky for those of us with mental health issues, chronic illnesses, and trauma. When you're faking it, you can make it worse. Burnout comes in many forms, and everyone experiences burnout at some point in their life. There are times, though, when I will have been so busy for so long, and still have the need to feel busy, but am physically and mentally unable to continue doing anything productive (or anything at all).

So what am I supposed to do in those moments? I think listening to your body is super important, especially when you've been busier than usual, but my body is almost as good at faking it as I am.

I'm not going to lie, I started writing this to give some advice, but then I realized that I don't have great answers for how to make it without faking it. I will say that being honest about when I can and can't participate in things has been healing, and I will recommend self-advocacy a hundred million times and it still won't be enough.

All this to say, do what works for you, right? If going, going, going feels comfortable for you and you can keep your shit together while maintaining that schedule, I applaud you. If you need to stay home and read with your cats five out of seven days a week, then I'm proud of you for finding something new to read (send me your tbr :p). As long as we're all here, alive, and breathing, I'm happy. Let's worry about the details later.

-Jo